Anxiety and the Fear of Being Human: Reflections on The Denial of Death

Anxiety and the Fear of Being Human: Reflections on The Denial of Death

Anxiety is often treated as something to eliminate — a problem to fix, a feeling to quiet. But what if anxiety isn’t just a signal of danger or dysfunction? What if it’s a sign of something profoundly human: the struggle to make meaning in a world that doesn’t offer easy answers?

The Restlessness Beneath the Surface

In his Pulitzer Prize–winning book The Denial of Death, Ernest Becker suggests that our deepest anxieties come not just from daily stresses, but from our awareness of mortality — the knowledge that our lives are temporary. It’s a truth so immense that most of us spend our days trying not to think about it.

We build careers, relationships, and belief systems that help us feel steady and significant — what Becker called our “immortality projects.” These pursuits give shape to our lives, but they can also make us restless. Beneath the drive to succeed, to be seen, or to stay safe, there’s often a quieter longing: to know that our lives mean something.

Anxiety as a Messenger

In therapy, I often meet people whose anxiety seems to center on specific worries — not being enough, disappointing others, losing control. But when we explore what’s underneath, those fears often point toward something deeper: a confrontation with uncertainty, loss, and the fragile nature of being alive.

Becker wrote that our anxiety is not a flaw — it’s a feature of consciousness. To be aware of our lives is also to be aware of our limits. In that sense, anxiety can be a messenger, reminding us that the life we have is both fleeting and precious.

The Work of Meaning

Therapy offers a space to face these questions honestly — not to solve them once and for all, but to stay present to them. When we stop trying to outsmart or outrun our anxiety, we often begin to hear what it’s asking of us:

to live with more intention, to love more openly, to create something that reflects who we are.

Meaning isn’t something we find once and keep. It’s something we make, again and again, in the midst of uncertainty. Sometimes, it’s found in connection — a conversation that helps you feel seen, a small act of kindness, a moment of silence shared with someone you love.

Living Fully, Even in Fear

Becker reminds us that courage isn’t the absence of fear — it’s the willingness to live meaningfully in its presence. When we allow ourselves to face what’s fragile and finite about being human, something shifts. Life becomes more vivid. Our relationships deepen. We begin to sense that meaning is not something beyond us, but something we create with every choice, every connection, every breath.

👉 If you’re struggling with anxiety or a loss of meaning, therapy can help you make sense of what it means to be fully alive — even when life feels uncertain. www.briantmurphy.com

About the Author

Brian T. Murphy, LPC-MHSP, is a psychotherapist based in Birmingham, Alabama, where he helps individuals and couples explore the deeper emotional and existential patterns that shape their lives. His approach blends relational psychodynamic therapy, somatic awareness, and existential reflection, with training in advanced EMDR techniquesfor trauma and healing.

Brian’s work focuses on meaning-making — helping people find authenticity, connection, and vitality in the face of life’s uncertainty. Before becoming a therapist, he worked in the music industry as a producer and songwriter, a background that continues to inform his appreciation for creativity and the stories that make us human.

Learn more about therapy for anxiety, trauma, and meaning-making in Birmingham, AL, at www.briantmurphy.com.